So at 2:30 this morning I get up to go pee. I stagger into the bathroom and sit on the john, much too sleepy to stand up. In the very dim light of the nightlight I notice a black smudge in one corner where the wall, floor and bathtub intersect. It moves, then begins to walk, slowly and awkwardly, along the base of the tub. I don't have my glasses on, so it's just a dark smudge in a dark room, but the shape looks like a large spider or a bat.

I finish peeing and go to the bedroom to find my glasses. I turn on the bedroom light to find the glasses. I put them on and turn around and notice not one but three bats circling my head. I close the bedroom door on my way out, hoping to shut them in. Two are trapped in the bedroom, but the third comes with me as I go downstairs, open the coat closet, rummage around, and finally find last winter's soft leather gloves. I lose number three while finding the gloves.

I go back upstairs to my bedroom, open the door, step in, and quickly close the door behind me. One bat is hanging on the wall directly above the pillows on my bed. I get on the bed and grab the bat off the wall. The other is swooping.

I take bat number one downstairs, shutting the bedroom door behind me. I release bat number one outdoors. I wonder if anyone walking by is wondering why a man in Joe Boxer briefs, winter gloves, and nothing else is standing on his step opening his hands to the night sky.

I go back upstairs to my bedroom, open the door, step in, and quickly close the door behind me. Bat number two is still swooping, but I can see it's getting tired. It's swoops are becoming swops. There are by now about twenty bat shaped black smudges on one wall. It lands on the floor and crawls under my laundry hamper. I pick up the hamper and it swoops again. Finally its swoop is swapped for a spot on the door frame, where I catch it. This one chatters at me. I don't feel like answering. Back to the outside door and another offering to the night sky.

Bat number three isn't cooperating. No swoops. I search. No more black smudges. I'm tired. I go back to bed. Twenty minutes later I hear it swooping over the bed. Glasses back on. Light. Gloves. Follow the bat downstairs. Wait. Listen. Aha. Giveaway rustle. Find bat on window side of dining room curtain. Pull aside curtain and nab bat. This one squeaks a protest. Feels unjust to me. I am the one whose sleep is being disturbed. Squeak. Another offering.

Ah. All three bats removed.

I head back for the stairway. I am met by two more bats swooping down into the living room. No more sleep tonight. Tired of the Joe Boxer dance too. Get dressed. Settle in for the duration. Sit. Listen. Mollie the collie follows all this with silent interest. No comment about bats or Boxer briefs. Just a spectator.

Small scratching from the fireplace. Black screen, black fireplace, black night, black bat. Vision difficult. Find a lamp. Train it on screen. Squat on foot stool. See bat. Move screen, grab bat number four. Fully dressed offering this time.

Return. Wait for bat number five. Bat number five and number six swoop. Watch. Wait. Listen. Check illuminated fireplace screen. Grab bat number five. Offering. Back to screen. Squat on stool. Stare like cat at mousehole. Bat number six appears. Grab. Miss. Bat back in fireplace flue. Stare. Bat comes back to screen. Sees batman/cat. Back in fireplace flue. Batman/cat waits. Bat rustles. Listen. Stare. Squat.

Sun comes up. Game called on account of light.